Merry Christmas, everyone!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas! We really enjoyed our quiet first married Christmas. Since we have just moved, and I have been travelling so much, we decided to stay put and enjoy our first married Christmas alone in our new house. We were so busy, that it was hard to get into the spirit until the week of Christmas, but we did! We had decided against having big presents this year and splurge on our honeymoon. But I did end up getting my husband the PS3 he's been wanting all year, especially since I hadn't gotten him a wedding gift (he got me by surprise there) or even a birthday present (his birthday was 2 days after we moved, and the day we got our delivery from TMO, so we didn't really celebrate it). We had a lot of fun playing Call of Duty together, and watching the first season of MadMen on blue-ray (my gift from him) and relaxing together. We both had Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday off, so it was awesome! Looking forward to this week (we once again have Thursday afternoon, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday off for New Year's).

Hope everyone got a chance to spend time with loved ones!

Prioritizing

Ever since I went back to work full-time, I realize more and more how hard it is to be a dual career couple in the military. I know we face some of the same challenges that other dual career couples face at one time or another; but the lack of choice and flexibility in the military makes it that much harder for the non-military spouse to have a career as well. It's easy to find a job-- but maintaining a career is a special challenge!

It seems that in most modern dual career couples, both the husband and the wife make some sacrifices with flexibility to make it feasible for both of them to have a meaningful career. We don't have that luxury, and it makes it that much more challenging for us to balance our career and family life. Luckily, I have an amazingly understanding employer who's willing to work with me. I am able to work from home in North Carolina/wherever we happen to be at the time, telecommuting to my office in New York City. But the downside is I also travel a lot, which really limits the time we get to spend together. I never thought I'd be living and working in different cities! For example, we moved to NC on December 1st, and I that week off in order to coordinate the move. On December 6th, I was in DC until December 12th; then on December 14th, I left again and was in Boston until the 18th. Until recently, I was due in Atlanta on December 27th-30th (thankfully Santa intervened and cancelled that trip). Essentially, out of the 21 days I've been living in NC, I've only spent 10 of them actually in NC. And in January, February and March, I'll spend more time between New York, San Francisco, Boston, Los Angeles, Chicago and Atlanta than I will at home with my husband. This is not even counting the 6 weeks this summer that I have to spend in New York City.

Another big difficulty is managing not just our family life but our family life within the USMC. My impression is there's almost an expectation that wives are just around to do things (like deal with the movers during a PCS). In civilian world, it's absolutely accepted, and these days, expected for a husband to take a personal day, for example, to deal with the movers 9or the cable guy, or the plumber or a sick child) if the wife has something important going on at work she absolutely cannot miss. Thus far, it seems like the military is far less flexible with things that just come up, and it's just assumed the wife will take care of it. I'm not saying at all that all military wives stay home (quite the contrary; there's actually a larger percentage of military wives who work than civilian wives). It's just that it's expected that the wife's job -- and life-- will come second. I feel sometimes like we've gone back in time, and it's been a HUGE adjustment!



I really want to spend more time with my husband; simple things like having dinner at home together seem like such a luxury. But of course, it's a huge trade-off. My salary allows us a lot more flexibility financially (not to mention. all those student loans I racked up in law school have to be paid off sometime!). And I really like my job a lot-- it's very fulfilling and rewarding, beyond the money. I just wish the people at the USAir counters in Jacksonville and Wilmington didn't recognize me already!

Girl Talk

I was in New York on Saturday for my new, part-time, work from home job, and took the opportunity to stay on Saturday night to have dinner with my girlfriends.  I really miss my New York girls-- they're all smart, dynamic, professional women, and we always have a great time. I miss having a group of girls I can talk to about life, work, etc.

This past Saturday, we were talking about work. Two of my good friends are in MBA programs and have just started their summer internships, one is at a sort of crossroads with her career, and then there's me.  Ever since I left the world of corporate law, we have had many, many discussions about what I want to do next, where I see my career/life going, etc. They asked me how I like my new job, and I was telling them how much I love it. I love working from home.  I love it that my  schedule still gives me time to take care of the house and work out and volunteer, and that I have the flexibility to accompany and fully support my Marine.

It feels weird to say this, but I've been realizing more and more that I really, really like staying at home.  I never thought I'd be a woman who enjoys being at home all day, but lately, the thought of getting an out-of-home job has been stressing me out.  Good thing, I guess-- I have realized that it is really hard to have a "traditional" career and be a military wife at the same time.

For starters, there is the total unpredictability of it. We have little idea where we will be stationed when he's done with training.  That makes figuring out my next career move sort of difficult, obviously.  And even once we know his duty station, there is the fact that the USMC can change its mind at any time, and send him wherever they need him most, whenever they want. So, even if I find a great job I really like, there is always the possibility I'll have to leave.  At this point we have made a commitment to the USMC (well, he made the commitment to them; I made a commitment to him, though).  Until he's out, his career has to come first.

This is an interesting turn of events! I never, in a million years, thought I'd be here. I always thought my career would be equally as important as my husband's, and that I could never, ever, happily put my career on the back burner.

I have been feeling guilty, though. Like I'm wasting my first-rate legal education, and slapping feminism on the face at the same time. Saturday, though, my friend was telling me how she read a study at business school saying that a high percentage of women with MBA degrees end up leaving the corporate world and not going back.  I've been searching (to no avail, so far) for a similar study showing attrition rates of women with JDs. She was also saying how, if she were engaged or married, she wouldn't think twice about leaving her career behind.

This has gotten me thinking the past couple of days. I know that I'm much happier now than I was while I was working in an office everyday. I'm not bored, like I thought I would be. And, when I think about the women I knew who are very successful (and who had been solely dedicated to their careers), all I can think about is how I used to look at them and think, "I hope that's not me in ten/fifteen/twenty years."  Of all my girlfriends, I can't think of one who wants to be those women, either.

So, what's going on? Is it really that our generation has realized that, contrary to our mothers' generation's belief, that women can't have it all? Or that having it all is exhausting? Or is it as simple as choices? As in, given a choice, most women would pick a healthy family life over a career?  The thing is, though, I still don't think its politically correct for a woman to say she doesn't want a career. We're still expected to want it all. But what if we don't?