Prioritizing

Ever since I went back to work full-time, I realize more and more how hard it is to be a dual career couple in the military. I know we face some of the same challenges that other dual career couples face at one time or another; but the lack of choice and flexibility in the military makes it that much harder for the non-military spouse to have a career as well. It's easy to find a job-- but maintaining a career is a special challenge!

It seems that in most modern dual career couples, both the husband and the wife make some sacrifices with flexibility to make it feasible for both of them to have a meaningful career. We don't have that luxury, and it makes it that much more challenging for us to balance our career and family life. Luckily, I have an amazingly understanding employer who's willing to work with me. I am able to work from home in North Carolina/wherever we happen to be at the time, telecommuting to my office in New York City. But the downside is I also travel a lot, which really limits the time we get to spend together. I never thought I'd be living and working in different cities! For example, we moved to NC on December 1st, and I that week off in order to coordinate the move. On December 6th, I was in DC until December 12th; then on December 14th, I left again and was in Boston until the 18th. Until recently, I was due in Atlanta on December 27th-30th (thankfully Santa intervened and cancelled that trip). Essentially, out of the 21 days I've been living in NC, I've only spent 10 of them actually in NC. And in January, February and March, I'll spend more time between New York, San Francisco, Boston, Los Angeles, Chicago and Atlanta than I will at home with my husband. This is not even counting the 6 weeks this summer that I have to spend in New York City.

Another big difficulty is managing not just our family life but our family life within the USMC. My impression is there's almost an expectation that wives are just around to do things (like deal with the movers during a PCS). In civilian world, it's absolutely accepted, and these days, expected for a husband to take a personal day, for example, to deal with the movers 9or the cable guy, or the plumber or a sick child) if the wife has something important going on at work she absolutely cannot miss. Thus far, it seems like the military is far less flexible with things that just come up, and it's just assumed the wife will take care of it. I'm not saying at all that all military wives stay home (quite the contrary; there's actually a larger percentage of military wives who work than civilian wives). It's just that it's expected that the wife's job -- and life-- will come second. I feel sometimes like we've gone back in time, and it's been a HUGE adjustment!



I really want to spend more time with my husband; simple things like having dinner at home together seem like such a luxury. But of course, it's a huge trade-off. My salary allows us a lot more flexibility financially (not to mention. all those student loans I racked up in law school have to be paid off sometime!). And I really like my job a lot-- it's very fulfilling and rewarding, beyond the money. I just wish the people at the USAir counters in Jacksonville and Wilmington didn't recognize me already!

Wednesday Whine-- Unecessary Complications

Sometimes, I wonder how the USMC doesn't just self-implode. It seems like they have this uncanny talent for over-complicating things! In a world where people aim to simplify, and where we have all this technology, I just don't understand why things have to be this difficult.

A couple of weeks ago, we had to go to DEERS to get me in the system. I go on the DEERS website for Quantico, and they say that I have to go with my sponsor. I ask them their hours; they're open from 0730 to 1500. Um, okay-- my sponsor is in training during that time. So I try to make an appointment for a day when he has off. Oh, on that day? They're only working until 12 noon and they're full (of course they are; I'm sure there are tons of people in the same situation!) I ask them if I can go to any DEERS location, or if it has to be Quantico. They say I can go to any other location, so I thank the lady on the phone, and start calling the list they have on their website.

Shouldn't be a big deal, right? WRONG. I quickly discover that all the phone numbers listed are incorrect! There are no websites. Finally, I Google one of the offices, and since it's on an Army base, I pull up a website. Lo and behold-- the Department of the Navy actually has a website where you can log on and make appointments at any DEERS office in the nation. So I make the appointment, then call to confirm they'll see us. I still had this nagging fear that it wouldn't work out, after all, if it was this easy, why didn't they tell us this on the Quantico website?

Everything was fine. We were in and out in 30 minutes, and we were able to get it done in Crystal City, just 15 minutes away, instead of Quantico, which takes an hour to get to (especially since the speed limit on base is 15 m.p.h.-- come on, that's less than at a school zone!) and where there is no parking.  Seriously, USMC? Is it that difficult to have the scheduling website link on your website? How about making things just a little easier for us?

(and for those of you who are interested, this is the site).